rbf

So it's only day three of being lone parent and with it being the third day of pre 6 am start it is safe to say I am feeling a little broken. 

The face that will greet the staff at the new nursery I'm looking at for Rufus would at best be 'rbf'. They may question why I look a little bit furious, slightly drained, and on edge. I just won't have a choice as to what is present in my face! I've chosen a polka dot jumper to wear for pity's sake, what's wrong with me?! The boys seem louder today, just a little bit, but I'm wincing a little bit every time they shout something. Obviously Evelyn is in need of a nap already so she is whinge central. I'm so out of practise at this! Taken my eye off the mark a little bit after years and years of essential sleep deprivation training from the boys! G please come back early, and take pity on your ridiculously weak wife!!

today should have not happened

So, as if David Bowie's ghost cursed me yesterday (what did I ever do to him apart from love his music!?) my day was bad times.

Late for pre school (had technically been awake since 330am) only parking space is by the muddy ditch. Slip in said mud, brown ugg now browner. In a horrific car seat adapter error of my own doing - Evelyn goes tumbling off of pram wheels and zorbs down two steps. My only preventative measure is to scream 'shit' loudly in a playground full of pre schoolers. Cancel tumble tots as the risk was too great. Poo under nail, shortly before Evelyn's fav game of peek a poop! Start to worry about Rufus for literally no reason. Accidentally water board Evelyn, feel bad. No G coming home, feel bad as I think of how often he will be away this year. Craft went wrong, anger at sewing machine, in anger twat hip on table, pain, great pain! Tempted to open bottle of champagne to myself, but after looking into the fridge for five minutes I just pathetically went to bed! None of the above are that bad (apart from dropping Evelyn) no one died (apart from David) but I still am mildly traumatised!! 

something that needs to be said

Screw you sewing machine, you ruin my craft, every single time. Every. Single. Time. In other news I am fairly sure that i have broken a bone in my foot after a 24 pack off Diet Coke came hurtling down upon it earlier. So ironic. The End. 

Life in a new community......how to not make friends and more than probably alienate myself

So, I braved my first soft play sesh here this morning (just with Rufus and Evelyn, Hector has flown the nest and is now a fully fledged full timer at pre school). 

The only expectation that I gave myself was to not leave shouting 'mum wankers' with corresponding hand gestures. Anyway I felt fairly good about myself in a Mum capacity as I actually walked Hector to pre school this morning with all children dressed, fed and happy! Got there and immediately regretted warm clothing, small space and too many over exuberant women all at the ready for some intense educational soft play. I did what I always do, found a friend and pretty much expected my children to get on with it. They did just that (even Evelyn!!). 

The woman running it actually had a big yellow tambourine (NOONE was allowed to touch it, it seemed, even children!) that she would use (regularly) to announce something. Pah! It was classic. Thankfully Rufus knew his role and did not venture to the painting/messy play table, tambourine woman did suggest this in her announcements a few times though. He also was the last child standing at the snack table, and am fairly sure that he actually ate a whole dinner plate of cubed cheese. A bit like a feat of child vs cheese. 

I wasn't prepared for the song song time at the end (or I would've dived out under some premise that Evelyn was desperately hungry/tired/ill) so I was caught up within the tightly packed circle. Tambourine lady didn't use her tambourine, which was a shame as she really did show a great flare. After her opening number she then took requests from the floor which was totally awkward. One lad was told to ask for some 'crocodile' song by his mum, claiming that he 'loved' to sing it at home. (As my friend wisely pointed out it was more of a slow rap than an actual song. I was sidetracked into letting her into my ideas on a Mum's open mic group, but stopped as I realised there was some disapproving looks coming my way as this was not the place or place for chitchat.) Either way, hilariously the lad who had requested this croc song wandered off from his mother's lap in favour of playing near the sink, leaving her stranded on the floor on her own. The goodbye song was not a success, the aim was to go around every single mum there and say their child's name, like in some weird call and response! It all got very awkward. Once I escaped the sweatbox I did what I probably should've/would've done if I had not gone this morning and went to Tesco and spent a small fortune on crap I don't probably need. Nice!

Sole parental duties

So, the inevitable happened today. First day back as responsible lone parental and I go off the rails! 

'So boys, shall we go to a butterfly park today? It looks great! It has a cafe which I am sure will have nice cake. Also a craft world?' (slightly more dubious that this was their 'thing') 

The response was overwhelming a positive one. 

I learned a few things today....the first being that butterfly world is shit, a few ropey butterflies munching on a stinking piece of banana did not impress (it impressed Hector but I'm overlooking that). The second and rather more amusing fact was that Rufus does NOT like butterflies. He DOES however, like scones (these were NOT the delicious cakes I imagined may have been in the cafe - in fact the cafe was NOT the cafe I expected to have been there!) 

This brings me onto the cafe itself, where when I said I didn't need a receipt the lady (loosely phrased) said no I must give it to you....they are watching....(I look over my shoulder at the old chap eating his jacket potato - did she mean him? No?) She then backs up my look of bewilderment with the final statement....'they are filming this'. 

We left fairly soon afterwards. 

So yes once we got out with our lives (even the boys didn't fancy 'bonkers' the indoor soft play there!) we went to Avebury. This was awesome! Much like their previous Stonehenge experience, the boys embraced this National Trust ancient attraction with real zeal and screeching as really would befit Alton Towers. It was great, with mudslide falling over, Rufus being taken down by some impressive rugby tackles, and an inappropriate game of hide and seek (I didn't get the game start memo - and just thought hector had gone missing). Amusingly in the cafe there (with delicious Victoria sponge and flapjack - in your face shit butterfly world cafe!) I was complimented on how well behaved they all were. Anyway we are home, thank god! I like Wiltshire...it isn't the north but it is ok!