I am not going to lie, life has taken its toll on me a little. I have a deadline for this blog, and I have started to resent it. G is away, the children are reacting to this, I feel alone in my task as sole parent and really I am struggling to cast a light note on my daily events. I will not break, I have got this, and all of that, but it does mean that I want to tell someone to fuck off at least once a day. Look it is half term, I am allowed to moan a little bit!
So what do I do? I mean my daily amusement source (the children) is fit for Facebook posts, but it aren't beefy enough to write a blog post about. I mean I ramble at the best of times, but there has to be a limit.I decide to do what I have never done (because I am OH SO original, and amuse myself enough with my own ridiculous thoughts), I google, 'mum blog inspiration'. And there it is '31 Fresh Blog Post Ideas'. I am willing to overlook why 31? It is a very random number. It becomes so much more apparent with reading this piece that maybe it was chosen as a random number to try and appear 'zany' or 'off the wall'. Two things that it is NOT.
I am going to only focus on a few points. For you the reader, this is the best way!
- NUMBER ONE: From the Grandparents perspective - Ok, so with G being away my parents are helping out as much as they can. It has been only two weeks, but around about 80 per cent of this has involved tricky negotiation between my children and their grandparent(s). So for example, they do something to piss me off, I let it go. They then do the same thing a few more times and I will deal with the situation. Either naughty mat, downstairs play ban, a basic bollocking. You know, all the shit that I probably should not be doing as a parent. They ordinarily don't listen, I force some sort of weak apology out of them and then we all get along with whatever we were doing before. When dealing with this situation with grandparents present it seems that I somehow have to appear as the perfect parent, straight out of the perfect parent book. I mean this is my own parents we are talking about, they do know me? But I feel like I am on show, having to prove my parentage. Also I sort of feel sorry for my children. It is usually Rufus too, the loveable rogue, having a shit fit again for literally NO reason. I can see the judgement in their eyes, 'oh well you weren't like that as a child'. 'You need to be tough with him'. 'Don't give in' and so on. It is all in all just exhausting! (Grandparent disclaimer....Aside from this they have a healthy relationship, whereby they all run rings around their grandparents hearts!)
Right so back to this blog madness. a suggestion on here was that the children could write a letter to their grandparents. So it would go...
Q: Grandma, can I have a biscuit
A: No, you've just had three and it is lunchtime soon
Q: Grandma, but I am hungry, can I have a, something out of Evelyn's bag. But I need something from her bag, I want it, I want it, I really, really, am hungry for Evelyn's bag.....
Well you get the picture.
- NUMBER TWO: The fun meal we planned together as a family - I need to just repeat and shout that one....THE FUN MEAL WE PLANNED TOGETHER AS A FAMILY!
Seriously! Unless the planning was throwing all of the children in the car to go to Macdonalds, there is no such thing! (Even then, there is usually a problem with something that Ronald himself has planned with their meals!) The list of requirements, choices, dislikes (lucky no allergies) goes on. Sometimes all a carrot has to do is be cut wrong and all hell breaks loose!
- NUMBER FOUR: If our House could talk! - Let's not even get started on that one.....moving swiftly on!
- NUMBER SIXTEEN: photos I took all by myself (children) - In a way this would be amusing/hugely depressing if taken by myself as a parent. They would all be pictures of my children, sometimes I would appear in a selfie with one or more children, pictures of food, a picture of a night out I once had where I remembered what I once was, a shit ton of pictures from WhatsApp groups, endless first day of exercise 'shame myself pictures' so that once I have done the diet/done the phys I can look back and see just how much weight I have lost, loads of 'stevvvvvvennnnnnn' videos done for amusement by myself and a friend of similar mental ilk, and screenshots of postcodes for soft play. There that is my life! And it is also the reason I don't Instagram!
If we were actually going to talk about pictures my children have taken, I would just like to paint a picture of their tiny little brains. This evening when I came up to tell them to go to sleep and to keep their talking down a bit (constant fear of Evelyn waking up), I stopped to listen outside. They were talking about boobies, and that Mummy has boobies (this was hilarious), that Daddy does not have boobies, but what if Daddy did have boobies (this again was hilarious) and that they did not have boobies, but what if they did have boobies (yeh you guessed it, hilarity!) Okay!
Yes so if I was to present a beautiful blog piece of pictures my children took all by themselves they would be.....pictures of their nostrils, feet, top of heads, never full face, and certainly never a smile. A lot of screenshots of various wobbling icons with the delete 'x' hovering like death over things on my phone I forgot that we're there, youtube screenshots, pictures of shit paintings, or stickers from those games where it directly saves into your camera roll even though you have denied access a thousand times.
That, there ends my not very exhaustive review of this ridiculous blog ideas post! Some mum wanker, somewhere is feeling pretty cool about herself after writing this, sat resplendent in how wholesome and thoughtful she is. Beaming at the congratulatory comments that are rolling in. I am also sure that her eldest child probably has just drawn a massive and graphic sudacrem cock on her bathroom wall, I mean one of her points was a 'joint home renovation project'! Twat!