Today I turned 36. It sprang on me a little like my children did this morning well before the agreed 'lie-in' time of 8.00am! Every birthday previous hasn't really made me feel any older. Now, now seems different. Like a sober tapping on the shoulder of reality that I am on a slippery slope to 40. And then, well then I'm like as old as my parents. I'll clarify my childish musing. I don't have any real recollection of my parents until they were in their 40s. And your parents always seem old don't they?
Anyway I digress! So I was forcibly removed from my bed at something rude o'clock. Excited boys, excited Evelyn (she sensed a second round of breakfast most probably) and an excited husband. A real effort had been made by all - G had decorated the whole house and baked me a birthday cake, Hector and Rufus had managed to not open any of my presents or cards or pop any balloons, and Evelyn had managed to just be Evelyn! We sort of tumbled through the early morning, presents, cards, birthday cake breakfast (the shred is recommencing after the bank holiday!) and then we were off to Bath. Specifically to stuff our faces courtesy of Jamie Oliver (to repeat the shred is recommencing after the bank holiday!)
I didn't let the miserable woman who took my booking dampen my spirits. After all I was in for a free bottle of prosecco and a free pudding! I knew my rights, if it's yer birthday that is what Jamie will give you! I didn't even let the boys constant fighting annoy me (this was on the way there, on the way back I really let it annoy me, like really!)
Cut to Jamie's! Our waitress was very unpersonable! This doesn't help matters when dining out with the three children! We really need personable! To help mask the disappointment and dismay at the noise and potential mess that will result in us being there. See the boys are fairly easy to contain (as long as Rufus isn't in one of those moods) but Evelyn has now found her voice she can just take off screeching without warning. The table of two ladies next to us wanted to leave as soon as we sat down. There were a few raised eyebrows as the drinks were brought out and my personal ice bucket with prosecco was placed down for me. I mean, I would've shared but G can't handle even the taste after an extreme Prosecco night got out of hand a while ago, and also we needed him to drive). So without much ado I got 'Mum pissed in the afternoon' pissed! I took too many selfies of myself with my children, I loved them, I wanted to sit on my own table without them, I gorged on too much pasta and too many desserts, I spilt water, I walked into the gents loo's by accident. It was a mixed affair! But good!
Leaving the restaurant I immediately regretted being mildly incapacitated. It was hot, the children were tired, Evelyn needed to sleep. The last thing I should have done was to attempt to spend some birthday vouchers in a well known department store. Well no, the last thing I should've done was take Evelyn in the pram into said well known department store. Stairs, everywhere. An actual inescapable maze! Now it would have been easy to work this out and leave but you know, did I mention the prosecco? So after a while of going around and around a little like a hamster in those stupid balls....I approached a member of staff working at a franchise desk.
Me 'hi, could you tell me where the jewellery is please?'
Smartypants staff member 'erm, yes madam, it is here' (gesticulating to the crap necklaces hung up on the cash desk)
Me (distainful sneer at the tat that had been offered) ' I meant the actual jewellery?'
Smartypants staff member 'oh well it is all around the store......(and she added this to piss me off I'm sure) if there is anything specific you would like me to get then I could?' (Ok maybe she was in sober reflection just being nice, but anyway!)
Me (hugely tempted to name several random items and send this lass on a wild goose chase around the store) 'well how am I to get about in this shop? The stairs are everywhere?
Smartypants member of staff 'oh well you can't! Not with that!' (Pointing at the Bugaboo, along with Evelyn who was staring straight back at her!)'
I was pretty tempted to do a Pretty Woman moment and start 'big mistake-ing her' but I'd have looked like a ropey, pissed Julia Roberts so I opted for walking off muttering about the ridiculous stairs and what would hey do if I were in a wheelchair!!!
So yeh, sorry about that, but I just wanted to rant, as when I left the shop and tried to recall the story to G it was all lost as the boys had become fixated on finding the 'balloon man'. This then pretty much took over the rest of the trip. We didn't find him, we found another balloon seller but didn't fancy spending just over a tenner on a balloon guaranteed to never even make it to the car. So Rufus went full force into a tantrum. His blonde curls (it was humid) turning to custard yellow against the violent red of his face! The good thing about Bath is that there are so many tourists milling about that really there is no judgement. Luckily we found a weird outside play place near to the car park. A very odd situation in the middle of the plaza. A huge bit of fake grass with a massive, like climbable massive, fabric dog (for future reference this IS the shit kids go crazy for!) and a couple of big cushions scattered around the edges (seemingly for dads to sprawl out on).
We let them play, throwing themselves off of the top of the dog, burrowing themselves and other children with some of the massive vacant cushions, we even didn't lift a finger when one of the cushions 'burst' and then started splurging out polystyrene balls all over the green grass. Hector running gayly around scattering the balls screeching 'it's snowing, ITS SNOWING!' His voice twisting in pure ecstasy! I chuckled loudly when the 'Security Attendant' ran into the emergency and grapple this injured cushion from the children. It was a fair fight and someone's Dad broke it up and the cushion was retrieved.
The car journey as I've said was horrific, the boys high on sugar, and me falling victim to a mild, hot afternoon hangover. I shall not reminisce it.
So that was that! All done for another year! I must admit, and I don't like to admit that often, but I am the luckiest person. My family are awesome. Even when playing the 'train game' in the car - which basically involved Rufus repeatedyl twatting Hector over the back his head. I love them. And Evelyn, well she is Evelyn so literally perfect. And G - well he is whatever I said he was to me in the car on the way to Bath that made him get a bit of dust in his eye!
Done!
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