Screw you nameless Health Visitor

[Side note to the entire of this blog entry. This is literally just a rant. I great, big, massive rant. So if you are in a pretty bright mood, or if indeed you are a health visitor just don't bother. Move along and do/read something else]


Today was Evelyn's 10 month check up by the health visitor. No worries I thought to myself this morning. I should have not been so hasty.

So I must back up a little, last night was the third night in the row that I have been awake with her for a couple of hours at a time. Last night was bad, real bad! Pretty much a zombie this morning. I also had to do some ridiculous stairgate Tesco mission before the appointed time. And because I live in the middle of nowhere this was a lengthy (and in parts speedy) drive. I got back with 10 minutes to spare, enough time. I have enough time I said to myself as I drove upto my house. Not quite finishing my sentence as I see her car parked up (exactly where i wanted to park annoyingly) The Health Visitor is here.......sigh.

To begin with, it was awkward, weird even. I sort of beckoned her to come in as I was unloading the car (it was also pissing it down so I didn't want to hang about) but yet she remained in her car. Then about one minute after I entered the house, she pings the doorbell and weirdly says when I answer, 'oh have you just got in?' Odd. Anyway I shuffle her in and sit her down and start to make her a cup of tea. Thinking about it, she was weird again, as normally when asked how you take your tea, surely you just answer how you take it. Not say oh whatever, however you like to make it? Odd.

So to the bit which really hacked me off. So Evelyn is only just 10 months old. She crawls, she smiles, she babbles, she eats, she pulls herself upto standing. I think she is pretty bright (comparing to her two brothers) and I expect she has no problems. About 3 weeks before this appointment i was sent a questionnaire to answer questions about her development. I did chortle at some of the questions as they seemed in the reams of ridiculous. I answered honestly. My answers, and her abilities seemed to cause the health visitor worries it seems. This is basically where my rant lies. Who the hell makes these questions. One of which Evelyn was flagged as needing referral (to who i didn't ask) as she was unable to bend down to pick an object up whilst standing against the sofa. WHO MAKES THESE QUESTIONS? WHO ARE THEY?

She then got onto eating. Evelyn struggles to hand to mouth eat. This is my fault. I know it is. I have limited times at mealtimes to get all three children fed and watered. I feed her because it is easier. Cue blank look from health visitor.

She then goes onto give me a recipe for play doh. I am getting a bit tired now and say i am not really down for that. This woman was obviously the Mary Berry of playdoh making. She would not stop. Three further times she made reference to it and the recipe. She stopped once I gave her a sideways smirk and a murmur of some commitment to it.

The entire meeting was punctuated by Rufus, being, well Rufus. I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Actually to be fair to him, he did vary it a little bit. He asked for play doh out (which on reflection will have been why she started banging on about the play doh) and also to go out and play (it is still absolutely pissing it down at this point)

I feel a little vulnerable today, and to be honest this woman made me feel pretty shit about the job that i am doing with my children. So in an effort to give her some justification of the state of my face I tell her about the last three nights sleep and in particular how Evelyn was awake from 2-4.30 last night and being tired. It sinks in I think, this woman is going to show a little bit of empathy......'would you like any advice on sleep? do you need me to refer her for this?'........

Anyway she is gone, unfortunately coming back in two months.

A few things from this morning that  need a mention. Throughout all of this I have no idea what this woman was called. The only jeans that fit me have a hole at the knee (and not a fashionable one, just one that shows constant wear and tear of being on my knees picking bloody toys up). Lindum stairgate extenders are impossible to fit. The plastic bit that you have to remove to fit in the extender....yeh that bit, you listening? Fuck you! The end!